NewsRadio:"Tasteless Joke" PART 2
Dave,Lisa,Bill,Beth,Joe and Catherine have gathered around at the confrence table,solemnfaced.
Dave:Well,without a doubt this is one of THE saddest days in the history of WNYX...
Joe:The saddest day in the history of WNYX is when they took away the sandwhich machine in the breakroom.Now that Matthew's dead,I have no choice but to make my own.
Jimmy walks over to the guys.
Jimmy:Hey,gang.Listen,I know this is a very difficult time for everyone.Matthew was-well,he was Matthew.He wasn't perfect,but then,who is?
Bill:RIGHT ON,JIMMY!Excuse me,I'm gonna go take a whizz.
Jimmy:Bill,sit down.I'm not finished.
Beth:Is this gonna be one of those boring lectures on the "circle of life" and coping with loss.
Jimmy:What do you think this is?The Lion King?Hell no....I'm letting Tommy do the all the talking.
Jimmy:Everyone,meet Tommy Thomas.He's a self-help guru that lives next door to me.
Jimmy:Just hold on a second.Give the guy a chance.I'm telling you-Tommy is the best of the best-a true professional,isn't that right Tommy?
Tommy:That is 100% on the mark,Jimbo.That's likely the key to your success as a businessman.By allowing positive energy to flow through-
Jimmy:Uh,Tommy I'm paying you to bullshit the staff not me.See you kids later.
********cut to commercials*********
Dave is talking to Mr.James.He looks pretty concerned:
Dave:Mr.James,do you REALLY think calling in a self-help guru is a wise descision?Granted,they act for the most part like a bunch of 8 year olds smoking some pretty strong crack,but I'm not sure Tommy Thomas or whatever his name is,is equipped to deal with all that emotional baggage.
Jimmy:Dave,whenever you try and convince me to NOT do something what usually happens?
Dave(sighs):You ignore me,proceed with whatever hairbrained scheme you cooked up that's supposed to solve some problem or other,but it actually creates even MORE problems for ALL parties involved.Then when-
Jimmy:Yadda,yadda,yadda,bullshit,bullshit,bullshit-you get the point,Dave.Don't mess with a man with a whole lotta money.He don't give a rat's ass!
Mr.James exits.Enter Lisa.
Lisa:So how'd it go?
Dave:No so well.Looks like we're stuck with the "Tommy" for the time being.
We see Bill and the guru talking:
Bill:So,you're a guru?
Tommy:Well,I suppose you could call me that...
Bill:Okie dokie,guru Tommy.Tell me,sweet spirit,what is the meaning of life?
Tommy(confused):That's a philosopher you're thinking of there,Champ.I only help people learn about their inner beauty,and finding strength in even their darkest of hours.
Bill:Oh yeah,you may WANT to appear as if you have noble intentions,but you're really just in it for the money aren't you,you guru scum.
Beth:Bill,stop harrassing the guru
Bill:He's an adult.He can take his lump like one-is THAT not 100% on the mark guru Tommy?
Tommy(weeping):Stop calling me a guru!I'm a self-help specialist!
|Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Conclusion|