"I can't believe it," exclaimed Dave. "Dear God," said Lisa. There on the breakroom table was Joe, Jimmy, and a mysterious figure playing cards. "Bill, I thought you were dead," said Dave. "Shia, right. Didn't it come to mind that I would've faked my own death?" said Bill. "How could you have possibly pulled that off?" asked Lisa. "Oh, well you see, with Jimmy's money and Joe's, um...what was it you did agian?" asked Bill as he turned to Joe. "Dude, I...whoa, what the hell did I do?" asked Joe. "Oh well, you're worthless to me now," said Bill as he pulled out his knife. "Bill! Wait a minute!!" yelled Lisa. "Why do you need to kill Joe?" "Don't try to confuse the issue with half-truthes and gorrilla dust!" Bill said as he stabbed Joe. "Dude, that hurt-" Joe said as he fell to the ground. "Oh my God, they killed Joe!" screamed Lisa. "You bastard!" said Dave. "Anyway, since Jimmy's a billionare, he was able to make a dummy with human flesh. That would be a good X-Files episode, wouldn't it?" said Bill. "Bill, that's not X-Files, that's Silence of the Lambs," said Dave. "Mr. James, why did you lie to us? How could you let Matthew, Joe, and Beth, your favorite employee, get slaughtered like that?" asked Lisa. "Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention-" Mr. James opened up the cupboards and Matthew and Beth jumped out. "Well, what about Joe?" asked Dave. "Oh, well, you see, I used the rubber knife to *pretend* to kill Joe. Joe, you can get up now." Bill said. Joe just laid there. "Joe, it's okay, we told them," said Bill. But still, there was no movement from Joe. Bill reached into his pocket and pulled out the knife. "Well that's kind of strange," said Bill. "What's kind of strange, Bill?" asked Lisa. "I could've swore that I put the real knife in my other pocket. Oh well." said Bill as he threw the knife down...and accidentally landed on his foot. "Holy Mother of Pearl!!!!!!!! CENSORED----------------------------", screamed Bill. "Bill, can I ask you something," asked Dave. "Yeah, but first-WILL YOU GET THIS THING OUT OF MY FOOT?????" exclaimed Bill. "Oh, sure," said Matthew as he got the right supplies out of the other cupboard. After they got the knife out and cleaned up the breakroom, Bill started to explain what was going on. "So the whole reason you did this 'fake-your-death' thing is so me and Lisa will get back together?" asked Dave in confustion. "Um, yes, exactly." said Bill. "Bill, you're one twisted fool, but your plan worked," said Lisa. "It did? How?" asked Beth. "Well, while me and Dave were waiting for Jimmy and Joe, we got to talking and decided to get back together if we got through this." said Lisa. "Awww, that's so cute! This is almost the perfact love story." said Jimmy. "Yeah, except without all the blood and...ghost mask, and knifes, and murders-" said Dave as he was cut off. "Alright, I get the point." said Jimmy. "Well, we'd better go clean up and get back to work," said Dave. "And plan Joe's funerual," said Lisa. When everyone walked out of the breakroom, Bill was about to leave when Jimmy stopped him. "Um, Bill. Tell me the *real* reason you did all this. I think you owe me that much... and 3 million dollars of course." said Jimmy. "Okay, have you seen that movie, Double Jeporady? Well, I figured if I faked my own death, I could go and get rid of Linda without any worry about getting arrested." "Um, Bill. In Double Jeporady, Ashley Judd got to kill her husband because according to the state he was already dead." said Jimmy. "Yeah, and?" said Bill. "Well, Bill, this means that Linda could kill *you* and get away with it. You got it mixed around there." said Jimmy. Bill just stood there. "I gotta make a phone call," said Bill. "Oh, that silly monkey," said Jimmy. |
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