I am sailing, I am sailing home again 'cross the sea.
I am sailing stormy waters, to be near you, to be free.

I am flying, I am flying like a bird 'cross the sea.
I am flying passing high clouds, to be near you, to be free.

Can you hear me, can you hear me, thru' the dark night far away?
I am dying, forever trying to be with you; who can say?

Can you hear me, can you hear me, thru' the dark night far away?
I am dying, forever trying to be with you; who can say?

We are sailing, we are sailing 'cross the sea.
We are sailing stormy waters, to be near you, to be free.

Oh Lord, to be near you, to be free.
Oh Lord, to be near you, to be free.

Rod Stewart/Sailing

Examination of Philip Hartmann, Part 2 cont.

After we got back home from spending that week together, I made a decision. I went out and bought Jan a gorgeous engagement ring. I planned on telling Brynn that I was leaving and taking the kids. Well, you know all about that part…

Jan Hooks Part 2 cont.

I never knew until a few days after he died that he had planned on proposing to me. All I know is if we hadn't have fallen so deeply in love he would still be alive today." She began to cry, taking too much blame for something that wasn't really her fault.

Child, it was his time, don't you realize that? If the both of you had never fallen in love, he still would have died that night. As it was, he died happy and in love for the first time in a long time. You gave him a magical gift by giving him your heart. Don't ever wish you never did.

Tell us this, does he still have your heart?

This question caught her off guard as she sobbed at the truth of their words. Why did she hesitate to answer? He would always be her one true love and her best friend. Yes, he will always have her heart, but wasn't she allowed to be happy if she had no chance of ever being with him again?

Of course you do, young one, of course you do.

"When I heard he died, murdered by Brynn, I died too. My heart stopped beating, my mind stopped working, I stopped breathing. I became crazed, hysterical. I lost my mind. They kept giving me sedatives so I would sleep but as soon as I woke up I would relive the horror all over again. For a long long long time. Everyone was in shock. All his friends, they cried openly to reporters. All these hard-ass "beautiful people" were standing there, teary eyed. Tom Hanks couldn't talk, he was so broken up, as was Jim Carrey.
Steve Martin and Robin Williams stopped working for the day. Jay Leno cried on the air, and even David Letterman, a man not known for getting emotional over anyone, was too upset to go on that night. They had to show a rerun of Late Night. It was the time of greatest sorrow for so many of us. I remember reading that the whole gang from NewsRadio were on hiatus at the time and all of them flew back, from all over the world to be in L.A. the day he died. They all stood around crying hysterically like the rest of us. Joe Rogan put his fist through the wall on the set. But they kept his spirit alive by fighting for the show, just like he would have. But he was its heart, too, so it couldn't survive long without him. Even The Simpsons shut down production for awhile because none of them could bear working. Joe Dante, the director of three movies that Phil had been couldn't stop talking about how much he loved him. He told a great story about how they were filming Small Soldiers and they sent a limo to get him at the airport, but the driver went to the wrong one leaving Phil waiting for a long time. I remember him saying "I was so tired of dealing with pissed off stars but I should have known Phil better. When he walked in a full 5 hours after he had landed and I was apologizing like crazy all he said was 'things like that happen Joe, don't worry about it.' It was so nice to deal with someone so devoid of ego." I also remember the day Phil's dad died. He was so upset but he had promised Jon Lovitz that he would do a voice over for "The Critic" that day, so he did. Jon told him to go home but Phil never backed out of a promise, ever. He left Third Rock From The Sun screwed up totally because we were both in the last episode and supposed to be in the premier for the next year. Commercials had to stop production and change actors really quickly. I don't think people ever really realized just how big of a hole his death left in the industry. But now they know, now that it is too late to thank him." She was sobbing through her words now, almost too upset to speak. It wasn't fair that everyone took such advantage of him, of his generosity and goodness.

He knows they are grateful, Jan. He didn’t act the way he did when he was alive to receive applause or even thanks. He did it because it was the kind of soul he was. You know that.

Yes, that is true. He was so humble. "May I ask you something?" she said into the darkness behind her.

You may.

"Do you know of a man named Simon?"

There was a dead silence. So silent she feared they had all left her alone.

(It has begun, the one thought to the other. We must prepare, the other replied. We must warn them, they collectively agreed)

Jan, beware a rose with thorns.

Part 18