"All our times have come
Here but now they're gone
Seasons don't fear the reaper
Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain... we can be like they are
Come on baby...don't fear the reaper
Baby take my hand... don't fear the reaper
We'll be able to fly...don't fear the reaper
Baby I'm your man..."

Blue Oyster Cult/Don't Fear The Reaper

Fearing the Reaper

He stood up on her grave and told her one last time that no matter what happens he will always love her. He loved her since the first time they met on PeeWee's Big Adventure up until their last time together in the cabin and even in death. He touched his fingers to his lips and then touched the rose with his fingers. "See you in a moment sweetheart." He said, then turning to face the sun, he closed his eyes and they whisked him away in a blazing ball of light.

Jan's hospital room was filled with flowers, balloons and cards but, none of it soothed her. The pain was horrible and every morning when she awoke she would cry and curse that she hadn't died in her sleep. Old friends would visit her but they wouldn't stay too long because they knew that she was dying and it just depressed them too much. "Hell, it isn't much fun for me either." she thought to herself. Her mouth was dry and she tried to reach for a cup of water on the table next to her but she couldn't make it, it just hurt too damn much. They had tried everything to bring her into remission again but it just didn't work and, in fact, they found that it had spread to her lungs and brain. She had moments when she felt she was suffocating because the tumors were crowding her breathing space so badly. All they could do for her now was to try to keep her comfortable until the end came. This is not how she wanted to die. At least Phil died quickly, for that she was grateful. She was always worried that he woke up and saw Brynn pointing the gun at him right before she shot him in the head. Why did she have to shoot him three times? One bullet in the forehead, one that went through his neck and ended up in the opposite shoulder, and the last that went through his forearm, into his chest and bounced around there tearing up his digestive system. If she had only shot him in the neck he would have lived, she was told. That was considered a "non-fatal" wound. Maybe it would have been non-fatal, but it probably would have taken away his voice. She couldn't imagine him without being able to speak, let alone do impressions. She coughed and put her hand up to her mouth. Now she was coughing up blood. As brave as she made herself out to be, in reality she was terrified of dying. She felt so alone, she didn't want to die alone. She really believed that the only reason she was dying was because she had lost Phil. He kept her more alive then any treatment the doctors could give her. He had his own brand of medicine that was sweet and joyful. If only he was alive she knew that, if it really was her time to go, she wouldn't be afraid. As long as she could hold his hand and feel him near her she would be able to die in peace. She hoped that wherever he was now he heard her. And she prayed that she would see him again. It almost made dying something to look forward to.

He appeared in her room and quickly surveyed the area. Nothing felt out of the ordinary, no sign of anything dangerous… yet. He knew they were vulnerable together but he had to take the chance. He saw her lying in the bed, a mere shadow of her former vibrant self. She was staring up at the ceiling, her breathing very labored, her eyes glazed. He knew the look well, it was the look of impending death. His eyes possessed the same look at his own death, wide open and staring at nothing. He wondered if she could sense that he was here. He called out her name and she did stir a bit. He shouted her name in his mind and again, that small stirring. She was between both worlds, not much longer now. She groaned in pain, prompting him to sit on the side of the bed and take her hand in his. She was so cold, he wished he could warm her some how. At the touch of his hand she visibly relaxed. "Jan," he said, "I am here, sweetheart. There is nothing to be afraid of. I am going to take you home." She nodded her head. "You do hear me, don't you? You know I am here?" Again, a gentle nod yes. He kissed her hand and touched her cheek, and she managed a smile. "Phil," he heard her voice inside his head, "you really are here. You really did come for me." He was close to tears with the knowledge that she could sense him with her. "Yes, my love, and I am going to be here with you up until the last moment of your life." he promised. "I will help you get home." "What is it like at… 'home' she whispered in his mind. "Well, kind of like a giant Sears without the annoying customer service people and the bad catalog." His voice smiled when he said this, and she giggled soundlessly. While they were 'talking' the temperature in the room seemed to rise a bit. Not enough for anyone else to notice, but enough for Phil to pick it up. He shivered despite the increase. "Phil, does it hurt to die?" she asked wordlessly. "No, honey, it feels wonderful. All your pain will be gone and nothing will matter anymore. Well, almost nothing." He scanned the room but all still seemed well. Yet he found himself becoming more and more nervous. And the temperature lifted a tiny bit more.

Part 34