Disclaimer: Once again, none of these characters belong to me, blah blah blah...I'm not going to bore you.
(Dave's office, with Matthew going on and on)Matthew: ...and then Mitt-Mitt whined about her food, and Choo-Choo wanted cavier...
Dave (with his head on the desk) Matthew, I don't give about your cat's food prefences. (Starts to lead him to the door to shove him out) But, if I want to be bored to death, you're the man I'll call.
Matthew: Thanks Dave. That means a lot. (Puts his hand on his shoulder) I'll be getting to work now. If you ever want to go to sleep in the office, I'll be there.
(Dave smiles weakly, and then Joe comes in) Yo Dave.
Dave: Hey, Joe. Did you realize that it takes just one thing to say, and Matthew's off on a long boring rant, and yet it takes a lot to shut him up?
Joe: Want me to tape his mouth shut?
Dave (thinks) Sure. Could you possibly use duct tape?
Joe (shakes his head) I'd love to, but I don't want to waste it on Freak. (Thumbs toward Matthew)
Dave: I'll give you money to buy 2 new rolls...
Joe: Alright! I'm on it, man. (Runs out to Matthew's desk)
Beth: Dave, your mom's on the phone...
(Dave picks up the line) Thanks Beth.
Dave's mom: Hi, dear. I just wanted to know how you are. You know that I worry about you, in New York City...
Dave: Mom, I'm fine. There's no need to worry.
Dave's mom: I know. Bye dear. I hope to see you soon, please come home over summer break.
Dave: Uh, mom. We don't have summer break. We work in a radio station.
Dave's mom: That's right. I'm sorry. Bye again.
(Dave hangs up, chuckling to himself, when Catherine comes in, frantic) David!
Dave (concerned) What is it, Catherine?
Catherine: Oh, nothing. Except that Bill is doing the on-air broadcast without pants.
Dave (sits up) WHAT?
Catherine: You heard me right. Will you please do something about this? I'm ready to sue for sexual harassment.
Dave: I guess you have good grounds for it, but not fully. I mean, he didn't say anything suggestive to you did he?
Catherine: Oh, no. But I just wanna sue so I can get the money from him that he's getting as extra raise. By the way, that's great that Matthew is taped to his desk.
(Bill enters, and sure enough, pantsless) Hey, you two.
Dave (looks down) Bill McNeal, why aren't you wearing pants?
Bill: Are you my mother? Only she uses my full name. Except that I got in trouble for going outside without shoes.
Dave: Can't you at least stay on the topic when I talk to you?
Bill (looks down at himself) Damn. I thought I forgot something.
(At this point, Catherine throws her hands up in defeat, and walks out)
Dave (incredulously) How could you now just realize that you're without pants? Didn't you feel a draft coming to work?
Bill: No. And besides, you're acting as disgusted as Lisa acted when she realized that I'm making nude phone calls.
Dave (rubs his head, and then pushes him out the door) Bill, before you leave for the day, come back in here, and we'll discuss what to do. In the meantime, tell everyone why you are the way you are.
Bill: Dave, then in that case, I'd have to call my therapist.
Dave: Bill, I mean explain to the rest of the staff why you're without pants.
Bill (suddenly realizes) Oh!
(Dave sits down, only to hear Beth shriek, so he runs out to calm her down, while Lisa stares at Bill)
Dave: Beth, I know it's indecent...
Beth: No, Dave. That isn't it. It's that Bill's wearing forest green boxers with a yellow tweed jacket.
(Lisa enters, smiling. She leans over and kisses Dave) Hey, Dave.
Dave: Hello. So, you in for some lunchtime lovin'? 'Cause I know I am...(grins)
Lisa: That's not what I came in for, since I wanted to know why Matthew is being duct taped to his chair, with some over his mouth, but now that I think about it, that's not a bad idea, both the thing with Matthew, and your suggestion.
Dave (jokingly): You know you came in for it. Don't deny it. You know I'm the best...
Lisa (sarcastically) Yes. You're the king. Now can we get to it?
( Dave pulls her down on the couch, as he tries to fumble with her blouse)
(Door knocks, Dave groans) Who is it?
Jimmy: Mr. James.
(Lisa quickly pulls her blouse back together, and shrugs at Dave) Maybe later, alright? I'll compliment you more...
Dave (whispering) Great!
(Lisa leaves, Jimmy enters)
Jimmy: Dave. What up, my homey bro?
Dave (taken aback) Nothing much, sir. What is it today?
Jimmy: Just wanted to check up on my little 'Pumpkin'. By the way, how is your mom?
Dave: Fine. Mr. James, is it a good idea that I had Joe duct tape Matthew?
Jimmy: Perfect idea! Why didn't I think of it myself? In the words of Steven Seagal, I'll be back.
Dave: Sir, I think that Arnold Schwartzenegger uttered that phrase.
Jimmy: Oh. Hell, all those action stars are the same.
(Dave runs out to Lisa, who's at Matthew's desk, putting more duct tape on him) Lisa, I'm really in the mood, come on!
Matthew (mumbled) In the mood for what?
Dave: Uh, to get the news story.
Lisa: Hold on. I want to make sure he never gets up. (finishes)
(Back in his office) (teasingly) Lisa, how come you never do anything kinky to me like that?
(Lisa smacks him) Shut up. Now, everyone's coming back. Come to my place after work. I'm going to surprise you...
Dave: Yay. But I can't wait!
(Lisa kisses him sweetly, and then pulls back, laughing) You're going to have to.
(Bill comes in) I don't have any pairs of pants that're clean. All my pants are dirty.
Dave: Bill, every man has at least 2 pairs. You're telling me that all your pairs are in the wash?
Bill: Yep. And I don't have my wallet with me in that case.
Dave: Okay. Do you want money to buy a pair now?
Bill (whips his hand out quickly) Please?
Dave (realizes) Hey! Bill, are you not wearing pants just so you can get some extra money, like $50, from me? Am I that gullible?
Bill: (thinks) No?
Dave: Liar. Nice try though. Can you hurry up and leave, so I can?
Bill: Sure. Can I have a raise?
Dave: No, you may not. And that's the last thing I wanted to hear from you, when you tried to swindle money from me.(Runs and gets his coat, and goes off to the elevator, only to find Lisa standing waiting too) Lisa? I thought I let you leave early, just for us.
Lisa: Oh, yeah. Well, I thought you'd be kept later, especially by Bill.
Dave: I figured out he was trying to practically hijack money from me. Aren't you proud of me?
Lisa: Yes I am. Now can we spend that money on some special stuff? Like for the bedroom...
Dave (grinning, while stepping into the elevator with her, and dropping his briefcase to hug her) Can we?! Are you kidding?
Lisa: Maybe I have been keeping you waiting for too long. I now pronounce this day, or rather, night, "Dave Night."
Dave (still grinning) And what a long night it'll be!
(Lisa smacks him) Dave!
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