"Internet"
by DeAnna








SCENE ONE


[Everyoneís at a staff meeting except Jimmy]

Dave: "So, everyone, if you clean up after yourselves when youíre done in the break room--"
Beth: "Dave, we clean up after ourselves in the break room."
Dave: "Then how come the same slice of bread has been on the top rack of the refrigerator for a month?"
Matthew: "Oh, thatís my slice of bread."
Dave: "Matthew, Iím not even going to ask."
Max [looking at Matthew]: "Are you going to finish that slice of bread?"

[Dave walks into his office and before he gets to his desk, Jimmy walks in]

Jimmy: "Whatís up, Dave?"
Dave: "Nothing right now... but I guess youíre going to tell me something."
Jimmy: "Thatís right! I am going to do something amazing, so fascinating you will explode!"
Dave: "What is it?"
Jimmy: "Guess."
Dave: "Youíre going to buy a van so you can travel across the country with a bunch of singing kids?"
Jimmy: "No, but just as good. I am going to search for a wife candidate over the Internet!"
Dave: "Sir, with all due respect--"
Jimmy: "Iím going to advertise my name all over the Internet, Iím going to chat in chatrooms, and Iím going to have my own personal website."
Dave: "Are you sure--"

[Lisa opens the door and walks into the room]

Lisa: "Is he sure what?"
Jimmy: "Iím expanding my wife search to the Internet!"
Dave: "You canít do this!"
Jimmy: "I knew you were going to say that, I already did it!"
Lisa: "But there are crazy people all over the Internet!"
Jimmy: "No, thatís just what the governmentís been telling you."

[Matthew walks into the room]

Matthew: "That Internet is pre-tty cool, you guys!"
Jimmy: "Okay, letís talk about this tomorrow. And keep it a secret, [looks at Matthew] I donít want to marry anybody who works here. Bye!"


SCENE TWO


Joe [talking to Beth in front of the coffee maker]: "So, I was thinking that 'weather balloon' at Roswell in 1947 was actually a sign of Kennedyís assassination in 1963."
Beth: "So youíre saying that for every 'alien abduction' or something like that, a presidentís going to die?"
Joe: "I havenít thought of that yet, but maybe..."
Beth: "Anyways, did you hear what Jimmy was doing?"
Joe: "Whatís he doing?"
Beth: "Heís going to search for a wife over the Internet."
Joe: "Internet?"
Beth: "Yeah, but keep it secret, I wasnít supposed to know."
Joe: "Then how did you find out?"
Beth: "I called my phone through Daveís phone and left the phone off the hook when he left the room for a staff meeting, then I listened through my phone the whole time when Jimmy came in there."
Joe: "Hmmm... Thatís a really cool idea."
Beth: "I know, isnít it? I got it off the Internet."

[Max walks by]

Max: "Did somebody say Internet?"
Beth: "I learned this really neat tip over the Internet, why?"
Max: "I am currently looking for someone to share my life with over the Internet."

[Joe and Beth are smiling at each other]

Joe: "You are?"
Beth: "Have you found anybody yet?"
Max: "As a matter of fact, I have."
Joe: "Have you gotten her or his name yet?"
Max: "They wonít tell me yet... I have to wait... but I hear, this one is a rich one!"
Beth: "Well, good luck!"


SCENE THREE


[Dave and Lisa are talking in Daveís office the next day]

Lisa: "You donít really think that Mr. James has gone through this, do you?"
Dave: "Iím afraid he has. He told me he found somebody and heís going to meet her tonight."
Lisa: "Sheís probably going to be ugly or have multiple personalities... or maybe even be a guy!"
Dave: "I think Mr. James is going to be smart enough to... ohhh, then again..."
Lisa: "See, Dave? Weíve got to spy on him when he goes on his date-- when is he going?"
Dave: "Ummmm... Oh, tonight."
Lisa: "Tonight? Do you know where?"
Dave: "Iíll have to call him."
Lisa: "But donít tell him weíre going to spy on him."

[cuts to Joe, Beth, Max, and Matthew talking in the breakroom]

Beth: "Now, are you sure youíre willing to go on a blind date?"
Max: "Yes, Iím sure!"
Matthew: "Maybe we can go on the date with you."
Max: "Iím going on a date to go on a date with someone ELSE!"
Joe: "No, for the first time, Matthew has a point, dude. We can go to the restaurant youíre eating at, but sit at another table."
Beth: "Yeah, so just in case he-- she turns out to be a freak, weíll be right there to protect you."
Max: "Oh, alright, you can."

[Lisa walks in the breakroom]

Beth: "Shhh... be quiet!"
Lisa: "Hey, what are you guys up to?"

[silence in the breakroom]

Lisa: "I said, what are you doing in here?"
Max and Matthew: "Playing."
Beth: "Yeah! Weíre playing tag! [she touches Lisa] Tag! Youíre it!"
Lisa: "Oookay..." [walks out the room]
Joe: "Good, she bought it."
Beth [laughing]: "I just canít wait to see... her!"
Joe [smiling]: "Yeah, me neither."


SCENE FOUR


[Joe, Beth, Matthew, and Max are sitting at a table in the restaurant talking]

Beth: "When is your date going to get here?"
Max: "I donít know, but Iím hungry. Can I order now?"
Joe: "You donít go on a lot of dates, do you?"
Max: "Thatís none of your business."
Matthew: "You guys invited Dave and Lisa?"
Beth: "No, what are you talking about?"
Joe: "Uh-oh... Dave and Lisa just walked in the door."
Max: "Quick! Hide!"

[Joe, Beth, Matthew, and Max all hide behind their menus]

Dave: "Itís like all of a sudden weíre out on a date."
Lisa: "Donít start, Dave."
Dave: "Letís get in our seat quick."

[Dave and Lisa take a seat beside Joeís table, but doesnít see them because the chairs are tall and Joe, Beth, Max, and Matthew remove their menus]

Beth: "Alright, now that we got that over with, has anybody seen Maxís date?"
Matthew: "Thatís cool!"
Joe: "What is?"
Matthew: "It looks like Mr. James is on a blind date, too!"
Lisa: "Did somebody say Mr. James?"
Dave: "What?"
Lisa: "I thought I heard somebody say ĎMr. Jamesí."
Dave: "Maybe heís here."

[Everyone turns their heads and see Mr. James standing at the doorway]

Dave: "He must be waiting for his date, Iíll go up there and keep him company."
Lisa: "He shouldnít know weíre here!"
Dave: "But he looks so lonely! Iím going to talk to him."

[Dave leaves his seat and while walking out of his chair he sees Joe, Beth, Lisa, and Matthew]

Dave: "What are you doing here?"
Matthew and Max: "Playing."
Beth [in a whisper]: "Shut up!"
Dave: "Now really."
Matthew: "Max is waiting on a blind date."

[Jimmy walks over to their table]

Jimmy: "Max is waiting on a blind date?"
Lisa [gets out of her chair]: "Dave, whatís taking so long? And whatís this about Max waiting on a blind date?"
Joe: "Okay, now that you all have the clues, you can figure out the rest."

[Everyone except Matthew sighs]

Matthew: "What? I donít get it."

[Everyone ignores Matthew]

Matthew: "Seriously, I donít get it."
Lisa: "Donít worry about it."


THE END


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