"Internet"
by DeAnna
SCENE ONE
[Everyone’s at a staff meeting except Jimmy]
Dave: "So, everyone, if you clean up after yourselves when you’re done in the break room--"
Beth: "Dave, we clean up after ourselves in the break room."
Dave: "Then how come the same slice of bread has been on the top rack of the refrigerator for a month?"
Matthew: "Oh, that’s my slice of bread."
Dave: "Matthew, I’m not even going to ask."
Max [looking at Matthew]: "Are you going to finish that slice of bread?"
[Dave walks into his office and before he gets to his desk, Jimmy walks in]
Jimmy: "What’s up, Dave?"
Dave: "Nothing right now... but I guess you’re going to tell me something."
Jimmy: "That’s right! I am going to do something amazing, so fascinating you will explode!"
Dave: "What is it?"
Jimmy: "Guess."
Dave: "You’re going to buy a van so you can travel across the country with a bunch of singing kids?"
Jimmy: "No, but just as good. I am going to search for a wife candidate over the Internet!"
Dave: "Sir, with all due respect--"
Jimmy: "I’m going to advertise my name all over the Internet, I’m going to chat in chatrooms, and I’m going to have my own personal website."
Dave: "Are you sure--"
[Lisa opens the door and walks into the room]
Lisa: "Is he sure what?"
Jimmy: "I’m expanding my wife search to the Internet!"
Dave: "You can’t do this!"
Jimmy: "I knew you were going to say that, I already did it!"
Lisa: "But there are crazy people all over the Internet!"
Jimmy: "No, that’s just what the government’s been telling you."
[Matthew walks into the room]
Matthew: "That Internet is pre-tty cool, you guys!"
Jimmy: "Okay, let’s talk about this tomorrow. And keep it a secret, [looks at Matthew] I don’t want to marry anybody who works here. Bye!"
SCENE TWO
Joe [talking to Beth in front of the coffee maker]: "So, I was thinking that 'weather balloon' at Roswell in 1947 was actually a sign of Kennedy’s assassination in 1963."
Beth: "So you’re saying that for every 'alien abduction' or something like that, a president’s going to die?"
Joe: "I haven’t thought of that yet, but maybe..."
Beth: "Anyways, did you hear what Jimmy was doing?"
Joe: "What’s he doing?"
Beth: "He’s going to search for a wife over the Internet."
Joe: "Internet?"
Beth: "Yeah, but keep it secret, I wasn’t supposed to know."
Joe: "Then how did you find out?"
Beth: "I called my phone through Dave’s phone and left the phone off the hook when he left the room for a staff meeting, then I listened through my phone the whole time when Jimmy came in there."
Joe: "Hmmm... That’s a really cool idea."
Beth: "I know, isn’t it? I got it off the Internet."
[Max walks by]
Max: "Did somebody say Internet?"
Beth: "I learned this really neat tip over the Internet, why?"
Max: "I am currently looking for someone to share my life with over the Internet."
[Joe and Beth are smiling at each other]
Joe: "You are?"
Beth: "Have you found anybody yet?"
Max: "As a matter of fact, I have."
Joe: "Have you gotten her or his name yet?"
Max: "They won’t tell me yet... I have to wait... but I hear, this one is a rich one!"
Beth: "Well, good luck!"
SCENE THREE
[Dave and Lisa are talking in Dave’s office the next day]
Lisa: "You don’t really think that Mr. James has gone through this, do you?"
Dave: "I’m afraid he has. He told me he found somebody and he’s going to meet her tonight."
Lisa: "She’s probably going to be ugly or have multiple personalities... or maybe even be a guy!"
Dave: "I think Mr. James is going to be smart enough to... ohhh, then again..."
Lisa: "See, Dave? We’ve got to spy on him when he goes on his date-- when is he going?"
Dave: "Ummmm... Oh, tonight."
Lisa: "Tonight? Do you know where?"
Dave: "I’ll have to call him."
Lisa: "But don’t tell him we’re going to spy on him."
[cuts to Joe, Beth, Max, and Matthew talking in the breakroom]
Beth: "Now, are you sure you’re willing to go on a blind date?"
Max: "Yes, I’m sure!"
Matthew: "Maybe we can go on the date with you."
Max: "I’m going on a date to go on a date with someone ELSE!"
Joe: "No, for the first time, Matthew has a point, dude. We can go to the restaurant you’re eating at, but sit at another table."
Beth: "Yeah, so just in case he-- she turns out to be a freak, we’ll be right there to protect you."
Max: "Oh, alright, you can."
[Lisa walks in the breakroom]
Beth: "Shhh... be quiet!"
Lisa: "Hey, what are you guys up to?"
[silence in the breakroom]
Lisa: "I said, what are you doing in here?"
Max and Matthew: "Playing."
Beth: "Yeah! We’re playing tag! [she touches Lisa] Tag! You’re it!"
Lisa: "Oookay..." [walks out the room]
Joe: "Good, she bought it."
Beth [laughing]: "I just can’t wait to see... her!"
Joe [smiling]: "Yeah, me neither."
SCENE FOUR
[Joe, Beth, Matthew, and Max are sitting at a table in the restaurant talking]
Beth: "When is your date going to get here?"
Max: "I don’t know, but I’m hungry. Can I order now?"
Joe: "You don’t go on a lot of dates, do you?"
Max: "That’s none of your business."
Matthew: "You guys invited Dave and Lisa?"
Beth: "No, what are you talking about?"
Joe: "Uh-oh... Dave and Lisa just walked in the door."
Max: "Quick! Hide!"
[Joe, Beth, Matthew, and Max all hide behind their menus]
Dave: "It’s like all of a sudden we’re out on a date."
Lisa: "Don’t start, Dave."
Dave: "Let’s get in our seat quick."
[Dave and Lisa take a seat beside Joe’s table, but doesn’t see them because the chairs are tall and Joe, Beth, Max, and Matthew remove their menus]
Beth: "Alright, now that we got that over with, has anybody seen Max’s date?"
Matthew: "That’s cool!"
Joe: "What is?"
Matthew: "It looks like Mr. James is on a blind date, too!"
Lisa: "Did somebody say Mr. James?"
Dave: "What?"
Lisa: "I thought I heard somebody say ‘Mr. James’."
Dave: "Maybe he’s here."
[Everyone turns their heads and see Mr. James standing at the doorway]
Dave: "He must be waiting for his date, I’ll go up there and keep him company."
Lisa: "He shouldn’t know we’re here!"
Dave: "But he looks so lonely! I’m going to talk to him."
[Dave leaves his seat and while walking out of his chair he sees Joe, Beth, Lisa, and Matthew]
Dave: "What are you doing here?"
Matthew and Max: "Playing."
Beth [in a whisper]: "Shut up!"
Dave: "Now really."
Matthew: "Max is waiting on a blind date."
[Jimmy walks over to their table]
Jimmy: "Max is waiting on a blind date?"
Lisa [gets out of her chair]: "Dave, what’s taking so long? And what’s this about Max waiting on a blind date?"
Joe: "Okay, now that you all have the clues, you can figure out the rest."
[Everyone except Matthew sighs]
Matthew: "What? I don’t get it."
[Everyone ignores Matthew]
Matthew: "Seriously, I don’t get it."
Lisa: "Don’t worry about it."
THE END
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