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Disclaimer: Umm…don't even ask me why I'm writing this. It's basically the story of most of the first episode of Digimon, with News Radio characters substituted for the real characters. Any name in bold means that that particular character is narrating for that section of the story. If you notice any mistakes (I'm not exactly the world's greatest Digimon fan), you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org! Oh, wait, disclaimer…obviously I'm not rich enough, nor do I have the connections to create such wonderful
shows as News Radio or Digimon. Don't sue me, unless you want to own my junk. You can have my little sister if you want, though. No charge! Anyways…enjoy the story?
Here's the character chart. It shows which characters from both shows who I combined into one character in the story…
Kamiya Taichi (tai) : Dave Nelson
Leader Position, looked upon highly by others. Loves Sora/Lisa.
Ishida Yamato (matt) : Bill McNeil
Messed up, think they're the leader, wanna be men.
Takenouchi Sora (sora) : Lisa Miller
Lead girl, pretty. Loves Taichi/Dave.
Tachikawa Mimi (mimi) : Catherine Duke
Obsessed with looks. Loved by Jyou/Joe.
Kido Jyou (joe) : Joe Garelli
Underrated, leftover but cute…Loves Mimi/Catherine.
Takaishi Takeru (t.k.) : Matthew Brock
Small dorky weakling, looks up to Yamato/Bill.
Izumi Koushiro (izzy) : Jimmy James
Not much in common here. Both take care of business??
Kamiya Hikari (kari) : Beth
Cute little ones, awwwwww.
DigiRadio : Episode 1
by: Ami Rosenthal
Dave: It all started during the summer, when I was working at the office with six of my co-workers. I was surveying my radio domain, and I stopped to listen to Bill anchoring. He was saying, "…and the meteorologists were astonished to report to us that there is a massive cold front moving towards our area. Everyone should prepare for it by---well, that's all the time that we have for today. Here's a
word from our sponsor…WNYX News Time, 4:45."
Lisa, Bill, Joe, Mr. James, Catherine, Matthew, and I were just about to finish up for the day when we saw some snow flakes falling outside the window. Beth wasn't there because that day, she had been struck down by a sudden bout of Carpel Tunnel Syndrome.
Matthew: "Hey everybody! Look, snow! Let's go play!"
Catherine: "Yeah, Dave, can we get off 15 minutes early to go outside?"
I started to refuse, but I wanted to play too, so I said it would be all right.
Matthew: We all got onto the elevator, except for Mr. James, who wanted to stay inside and look into dating services on his laptop. When we got outside, we all had lots of fun building snowmen and throwing snowballs at each other. It was almost as if we were little kids again! Weird, huh? Then, Mr. James came running out of the building.
Mr James: "Hey everyone, look into the sky!"
We all looked, to see some weird flashing lights.
Mr James: "At first I thought those were northern lights, but I remembered we're too far south to see them, even though we live in New York or something."
Matthew: We looked up at the lights trying not to wet our pants, and as we were watching, the lights shot to the ground in front of us, leaving seven different little electronic devices.
"Hey everybody, what did you get?" I said. "Mine’s a hand held computer solitaire game!"
Dave: "I got a tiny coffee machine!"
Lisa: "I got a pager with a whole bunch of guys’ numbers in it!"
Bill: "I GOT A MEGAPHONE!!!!!"
Joe: "I got an electric screwdriver!"
Mr. James: "I got an electric coin bank!"
Catherine: "Eew!! I got a vibrator! As if I would ever need one of these. Anybody wanna trade? Lisa??"
Lisa: "Eew, no way!"
Mr. James: While the women were arguing, this huge tidal wave came out of nowhere and the next thing I knew, I was in some kind of forest. Since my cell phone was out of range, and I couldn't call my private jet, I started walking towards a clearing, and by the time I got there, my coin bank was already full. I sat down in the clearing to try to see if my cell phone was in range yet, when all of the sudden, this happy pink fuzzy thing pops out from behind me. I threw the bank at it, but then it just looked even happier, so I let it explain itself to me. It said its name was Motimon, and we were destined to be together. Motimon isn't exactly my type of girl, but my prospective wife list was getting shorter, so I thought I'd give Motimon a shot.
Catherine: So after breaking about four nails, and losing a heel, all of a sudden, this creepy green fuzzball jumped on top of my head. Then it started to slip off, taking my wig with it. Okay, so I screamed, but only just a little bit, and while I was putting my wig back on, the fuzzball started to talk.
"Hi, my name's Tanemon, and I’m here to help you."
"Really?" I said. "Well then will you help me get rid of this stupid vibrator?"
"No," Tanemon said. "You have to keep the vibrator. I promise, you'll need it. Maybe not now, but later you'll wish you had two!"
I was about to ask how the seemingly asexual fuzzball knew about such things, when a giant bug started chasing after me. So of course, I screamed and started running, with Tanemon right behind me.
Bill: Then, Catherine came running into the clearing where we had all conveniently gathered with our various pink fuzzballs. "Catherine, what's the matter?" I asked. "You look all hot and bothered!" But all Catherine could do was hyperventilate, so I, being a gentleman, quickly rushed over to help her. Then, a huge bug thing exploded out of the trees, which gave me an inferiority complex, so I started running and screaming for help. It wasn't long before we realized that we had come to a dead end at a cliff, so I kept my head in the disaster and used my megaphone to scream for help. It didn't really make my voice
much louder, but as soon as I started yelling into it, Tsunomon started spinning around, and music and floating Japanese characters came out from nowhere. I was trying to see if any of the characters said "super karate monkey death car," but then Tsunomon said,
"Tsunomon, digivolve to, GABUMON!!" Before I could say "Dave," all of the Digithingys had beat up the bug so bad, it wouldn’t be able to pee straight for a month. Or maybe forever, seeing as it had no visible private parts.